1. Can individuals in possession of a penis please stop telling me what to do with my uterus and, y’know, justifying rape and shit? Thank you, Republican senate Richard Mourdock – calling rape pregnancies a “gift from God” – for being the latest of dismally many to make me want to eat my own fists in combustive rage.
2. I’m going to start painting again tomorrow.
3. Working in a pub, I am still baffled as to why certain male customers think it’s perfectly acceptable to grab my waist/hips/miscellaneous area and physically move me (and other female staff) out of the way yet, when trying to circumvent male members of staff, simply say, “Excuse me, please”.
4. Burn blisters are mental. I have a giant one following a disagreement with the coffee machine and it’s horribly fascinating.
5. I am otherwise chipper because my friend found my passport! It was in the lesbian club.
I’ll be spending the vast majority of this weekend at work (I’m a bartender/waitress, biatch), which means spending most of the weekend failing at life. Additionally, I found out this week that the tuition fees for my MA next year are nearly £1,000 more than I was led to believe, cue panic reading everywhere in the fruitless hope that I’ll conjure up something completely brilliant and therefore fundable – “panic reading” basically involves rolling around piles of books, speaking in tongues, and covered in jam.
Still, I’m going to consider this weekend a success compared to the last one, where I inexplicably ended up with extremely low blood sugar after a night out (I’m newly Type 1 diabetic – 1.9mmol/L!) and consequently ran around maniacally with no clothes on until I collapsed in an unresponsive manner and my friends had to call me an ambulance.
Jam: coincidentally what my friends fed me when the paramedics arrived
A weekend without hospital, therefore, is a most welcome amelioration in my life right now. Additionally, I currently feel more blessed than my poor friend, who informed that he’s purchased pink roses for his boyfriend to say sorry for giving him gonnorrhea.